You think they could do us a favor and pave the cobblestones in Shockoe
Bottom? I swear, driving down there my nuts feel like a hackysack at a Phish show.
Kenny Chu
Who you gonna please with that?
Jeremy Griffin
Watching Reagan's funeral was like watching Weekend at Bernies...put the poor man in the ground already!
Brian Grzybowski
Have you seen the headline of the Hard Times newspaper? "Man finds rat in dumpster...declares it DELICIOUS!"
Marshall Henry
My favorite inspirational quote is "Remember that no one can do for you, what you can do for yourself." Now I don't remember
who said that, but I imagine he masturbated a lot.
Ian Koranek
I'm one of the youngest comedians here. But I strive to be as much of a bitter drunk as my colleagues by the
end of the decade.
Jason Madison
Though I've never kissed a girl, my goal is to do so by February 2007, and I'd like to touch a breast by April 2012.
Chuck Money
I'm on a new diet....by next year I should be eligible for the Arnold Classic, not Arnold Swarznegger, Tom Arnold. If
you're watching at home. stay away from the swimsuit competition.
Moose
If I ever got a tattoo, I'd get one of Brad
Pitt's face on my face.
Odyssey
There's no such thing as "big boned" women. Sorry ladies, but you're fat. When was the last time you saw
a scientist looking at a skeleton and saying, "damn, homegirl had some huge bones."
Melanie Rasnic
Chris White
Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk. Also, don't crash into the post while trying to dunk but coming up two feet short.
That's bad too.
Thandi Woodard
Did you know Richmond has the highest Chlamydia rate in the country? "Richmond, Virginia...come for the history...stay
for the painful red swelling and burning discharge."
